Round 15

I am sitting in my room at the Comfort Inn of Santa Monica tonight with a bag of chemo slowly infusing into my veins.   Round 15 has launched.  

The day went about as smoothly as it could have.  Flight from SF to LA was on time, car rental was smooth, my blood-work was received by the Oncologist, and the chemo got started without much delay.

I have visited this specific clinic 9 or 10 times now for meetings, chemo treatments, and tests but something today was different.  When I arrived, I looked around for familiar faces and patients, and there were a lot more teary eyes than usual today.  The other patients looked more frail, more bald, and really more sick.  My thoughts when I feel good and am removed from treatment get so far from that world.  I forget about the realities of cancer.  My mind focuses on my life - my life beyond cancer.

Today didn't bring back sadness or fear, but it did remind me how lucky I am and how grateful I am for what I have.  What I have in health compared to so many others.  What I have in loved ones - amazing family and friends.

The gentleman that sat next to me today has been fighting the same disease using the same treatment drug, Yondelis.  He was waiting for an infusion is his 36th - yes 36th! - chemo treatment today (makes my 15th treatment look like child's play).  He has been on the drug Yondelis for 3 and a half years.  Tumors are spread around the area of his hip and inoperable - a previous operation left him without feeling on one side of his body and he cannot walk.  He lives life confined to a wheelchair.  He has a $10K bed that allows him to be comfortable at home, a chair style elevator that gets him up and down his stairs at home and a supportive wife and friends.  What he wants most?  Obviously to walk!  Though not for his sake, but to relieve the stress his condition puts on his wife.  He hates the burden his condition creates and how much work this all is for her.  I could see the pain he feels...not for him, not at all for him, but for his wife.

I have been a little down on my situation because the chemo has affected my stamina more than I anticipated.  It has squashed some of my aspirations of adventure that I so enthusiastically promised myself I would continue.  I couple flights of stairs or a pedal up a short hill has me folded at the waist catching my breath.  BUT, I CAN WALK!  I am alive.  I am strong.  I can get up and down the steps, around my house and down the street to the store with ease.  I am independent, mobile, and self sufficient.  What I have is far greater than what I have lost and I am lucky to have more than so many fighting this fight.  I have friends, family, and passions in my life that make me very happy.  I am SO lucky for that.

On that note I had an awesome couple of weeks between chemos.  I was able to spend a week in Tahoe catching up on work and working with an awesome new marketing assistant.  It is so refreshing to see business moving forward again.  I can't sit around and let life pass me by any longer - regardless of the circumstances.   I spent some time in the gym, feeling stronger everyday, and even got out for my first mountain bike ride in months.  I great friend and I took a short slow ride (due to my conditioning), took in the views, caught up chatting and ripped some downhill.  It was really a treat.

This past weekend was spent in SF with a couple high school buddies - one from Tahoe and one out from Philly.  Although we don't get together nearly as often as I'd like - every time we do is hilarious, fun and so special.  We surfed and paddle boarded out in Bolinas, rode cruiser bikes around SF and generally shared a ton of laughs.  The joy of those moments are so accentuated for me now.  I am just appreciate the relationships that I am lucky to have in my life. Nothing is more important than those.

OK, that's enough of my babbling.  Keep it real.  Pray for snow.

Jamie
jamieschou1@gmail.com